Top 5 Headlines for 2010

Purely as a public service I want to bring you the REAL news from Canada for 2010 . . .

Cops ask for camera registry

"We've determined that citizens armed with video cameras are a larger threat to our fine police officers than Uzi's or AK-47's", says Police Brotherhood spokes-model Dewey Beatem. "You can wear a bullet-proof vest discretely, but those white hoods over our heads are way too conspicuous."

LOOK OUT, he's got a Nikon!

Political Fossils Discovered

Fossils were discovered of politicus canadianus the cold-blooded, small-brained ancestor of today's politicians. "Surprisingly, not much evolution has taken place" says Canadian Museum of Nature docent Bobben Weave. "It's possible the brains may even have shrunk over the last 45 million years". Scientists speculate brain shrinkage was a survival mechanism necessary to allow growth of the ego.

Wookie-Leaks makes headlines

"We finally know the truth about Chewbacca and what 'Han Solo' really means", says movie industry insider Richard Head. When asked for a comment, Chewbacca replied 'WRAHHGHH!!"

Government debt creates 'black hole'

Massive spending of our money has accumulated a debt so tremendous that nothing can escape it. Scientists speculate that when the debt black hole expands to reach the information black hole generated by the Prime Minister's Office, we may see a new 'Big Bang', with all particles in the universe exploding at the 'speed of dark'.

Quebec separates from Canada

Good news for Newfoundlanders, who now find themselves 2 hours closer to Toronto!

Happy 2011

Scott "Scoop" Kelland
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