Farm fun and assorted odd and amusing stuff

(from your fun-loving neighbourhood farmer)

Ah, humor. It is said that you can accuse a man of anything except not having a sense of humor. I'm not sure that's true, I personally would be offended by an accusation of (for example) necrophilia, but who am I to argue with the pundits.

Rest assured that all the humor here has passed the most stringent tests of quality - i.e. I thought it was funny (and it's my web-site, so there!) On with the farm fun!

Life Lessons from the farm

At New Terra Farm, we're all about the enlightenment. So (as a service to human-kind) we have just released the ULTIMATE SOURCE OF GOODNESS AND JOY, our own interpretation of 'the SECRET'.

Yes, the 'Law of A-Tractor' is now available as a free download, because that's just the way we roll. 10 important LIFE LESSONS are contained here-in. Just right- click and use 'save link' to download instant satori!





An original New Terra Farm art-form - the 'low-ku'

Created in Japan, Haiku is elegant, minimalist poetry of consisting of 17 syllables that often captures an aspect of nature or the seasons (yes, I read stuff.)

The 'low-ku' is, umm, something else. These are all musings from my keyboard; after you consume them you will find it hard to believe I have not been on Oprah (the show, I mean) or at least Conan.

If a small tear comes to your eye as you read, it is only because you realize your life before seeing this was meaningless.


Deep Thought

walking in pasture
when struck by notion, should lock
up the bull, Notion
---------------------------


K9

dog, best friend to man
other friends rarely if ever
poop in my front yard
---------------------------


Bah!

farmer faces chore
take inventory of sheep
without nodding off
---------------------------


technology

getting ducks in row
simple with technology
nail gun, webfeet, done!
---------------------------


why

hen crossing road, car!
metaphysically, has
gone to other side
---------------------------


seed

High winds blow in field
Planting seed in spring, neighbours
bumper crop surprise

---------------------------

He writes songs, too

Is there any higher form of artistic expression than the song parody? I say not (and Weird Al agrees). These are all original copies (to coin a phrase) of famous songs. First poetry, now songs, this is culture!

Again, these gems of humor were subjected to the strictest quality control - i.e. they are the only songs I know the lyrics to.

Raise a Little Ham!
(with apologies to Trooper)

If you don't like
Your bare plot
Why don't you plant it
If your farm is all screwed up
Don't blame the guv’mint

Raise a little ham
raise a little ham,
raise a little ham!

If you don't like what you see
Why don't you weed it
If you know
there's something wrong
You must re-seed it

Raise a little ham ...

In the end
it comes down to your vision
You can have
solar power
or nuclear fission

Raise a little ham ...

Nobody's going to stop you
You've just got to stand up alone
And dig in your ground
And let produce abound, and
Raise a little Ham of your own!

Thank you, thank you very much, any of that deep fried-banana left?

---------------------------

m-m-m-my Kubota

...sung to the tune of m-m-m-my Sharona...

Oh my little orange one, PTO, 4 wheel drive,
When you gonna bale me some HAY, Kubota
Ooh I hear your motor run, motor run
Gun it down around the barn, Kubota

... chorus...
Never gotta clutch, hydro gear
such a muddy field, always spread it out, hay for mulch
of the finer grind . My my my i yi woo. m-m-m-My Kubota

When you gonna give it up, fall apart
Is it just a matter of TIME, Kubota
got a 1 year warranty, warranty
Should I have bought a John Deere, Kubota?

...chorus...
Never gotta clutch, hydro gear
such a muddy field, always spread it out, hay for mulch
of the finer grind . My my my i yi woo. m-m-m-My Kubota


. . . come back again, more farm fun coming regularly. Next time bring beer!

Scott




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